Please Don’t Call Me Sexist!

I’ll say that compliments can hurt you
and men should all obey a curfew,
believe in nothing but my virtue,
just please, don’t call me sexist!

I’ll claim to praise the female shape
is just another form of rape,
I’ll liken Mozart to an ape,
just please, don’t call me sexist!

I’ll nod along to your complaining
that when a male remarks, “it’s raining”,
the bastard’s guilty of mansplaining,
just please, don’t call me sexist!

I’ll bow my head to every lemon-
sour, doctrine-barking woman
to whom men are as Jews to Bormann,
just please, don’t call me sexist!

I’ll poke my brain out with a chisel,
replace it with a bag of drivel,
sit down every time I piddle,
just please, don’t call me sexist!

I’ll cut my balls off with a spatula,
feed them to your pet tarantula,
die a sterile, loveless bachelor,
just please, don’t call me sexist!